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Astrid Thoenig
– Prototype of Today’s Modern Woman |
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Photo:
Alexandra Pais,
New Jersey Local News Service |
Dedicated career woman, wife,
mother, community volunteer, single
working Mom, entrepreneur,
remarriage, third career, caring
daughter to her Mother and involved
Grandmother. Sound familiar? Sure. Except that Astrid has pulled it all
off successfully to age 100 – and
still going strong – and still
working a 40 hour week!
“I am blessed,” she says. She’s also
immensely talented and determined
and focused. “I don’t feel old and
I don’t think old,” she’s quick to
add. And listening to her on the
phone or watching her at work, she
would easily be mistaken for someone
40 years younger than her
chronological age. She doesn’t have
any tricks or secrets to her success
– “this is just the way I am and
always have been.”
Born in Bloomfield, New Jersey, on
September 24, 1909, to Swedish
immigrant parents, Astrid was the
middle child of three girls.
During the 1918 Flu Pandemic – that
killed 50 million worldwide, as she
recalls – Astrid lost her father and
her older sister, just hours apart.
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“My mother and younger sister were both
stricken, but survived. My younger sister
lost hearing in one ear as a result. I was
never sick – I didn’t get it at all. My
mother just had to carry on; she had two
young daughters to care for. When she
remarried, we were adopted and so we had a
father – I always called my stepfather my
dad. He was good to us and we grew up in a
normal, loving family. My mother was a very
strong woman. I give her a lot of credit for
how my life has turned out. When we were in
our teens we all went to Sweden to meet our
cousins and other family. We had a terrific
time. My dad was American and didn’t
understand the language, but he was a good
sport and my mother translated. We girls
picked it up very fast.
In high school Astrid learned to sew and do
needlework, skills that she applied to make
most of her clothing throughout her life.
She also learned typing and stenography and
other business skills that would provide the
foundation for her career. “Early on” she
recalls, “I dreamed of having a career.
After graduation, most girls looked forward
to marriage and a family – I was eager to go
to work.” So eager, in fact, that during
Christmas recess in her senior year, Astrid
worked at a local bank. “I loved working,
and thought I would stay on at the bank
rather than finish out my senior year. My
mother was so wise; instead of telling me I
couldn’t do that, she went to the bank
president and asked him not to offer me a
job until I had graduated. I didn’t find
out until years later. At the time I was
disappointed, but by the time I’d graduated
in June, 1928, I had decided I wanted to
work for a lawyer and set about finding a
job with a local law firm. If there had
been paralegal positions at that time, I
would have followed that course.”
As it was, Astrid worked for a couple of
local lawyers for the next three years,
enjoying the challenging and interesting
work, as she describes it. “Then I wanted a
change, so I took a job on Wall Street in
Manhattan at an import/export business. I
thought I would be an old maid, and I was OK
with that, except I began to wish for a
family of my own. On vacation at Lake
George one summer with mother and my sister,
a couple of boys came over to us as we were
sitting by the water. We talked and
discovered they were from New Jersey also;
we exchanged phone numbers. The boys
offered to leave the canoe they had rented
with us to use since they had paid for it
and were leaving before the rental was up.
We accepted and enjoyed paddling about the
lake. When we returned it, we discovered we
had been stuck with the bill – it had not
been paid in advance. It was an innocent
mistake – but Stewart Thornton was so
embarrassed when I told him when he called –
I teased him about it; it was a riot. We
began dating and were married in 1937. I
continued working and he was a manager at
Collier’s magazine. Even though it was
during the Depression, we were all right.
For many others, though, it was awful.”
In 1942 , with the birth of her son,
John, Astrid became a stay at home Mom. “I
was contented,” she recalls. Then her life
suddenly changed. “My husband was drafted
when John was only 18 months old. They
hadn’t been taking fathers until then – but
suddenly there was a shortage of men and he
was called up and sent to
France.
My brother-in-law, who was also a father of
one, was drafted the following month, but by
the time he was to report the quota had been
filled and he didn’t have to serve. It just
shows how arbitrary life can be – my husband
missed it by four weeks. He was wounded in
battle and earned the Purple Heart for his
bravery. But his injuries left him totally
disabled to do any physical work, so he was
given a desk job in Atlanta where he served
out the rest of the war. He never really
recovered from his injuries and died when
John was 9, the same age as I was when I
lost my father.”
In order to support them and still be home
with her son, Astrid started working from
home doing typing for lawyers and other
professionals in the area – and even a
judge, she adds. It was an unusual
arrangement in those days. “But my friend’s
husband was a lawyer and he lost his
secretary so he began coming over in the
evenings and giving me dictation and I would
type it up and deliver it to his office the
following day. My home business grew by
word of mouth. I was a good typist and
stenographer and I enjoyed the work.” If
you enjoy what you’re doing, you do it well,
she believes. “After six years I was so busy
that I was about to hire a girl to work with
me and start a formal business. Then, on my
mother’s birthday, we were at a restaurant
celebrating. My Dad was a home builder.
One of the patrons recognized him and came
over to the table. I was introduced to Ray
Thoenig, an architect who worked for my
Dad. One thing led to another and we
married.
The only problem was, Ray was vehemently
opposed to having a working wife – even
working at home. And so Astrid gave up her
business and settled into being a
housewife. She kept busy volunteering in
the community – activities her husband
approved of – with organizations such as the
Red Cross and United Way. “Then I was asked
to volunteer part time for the Caldwell
borough treasurer’s office. “I really liked
that because it was interesting and
substantive,” Astrid tells. It soon led to
the offer of a full time job. “I said to
Ray, ‘I’m so bored, I just can’t stay home
any longer. I’ll do all the things I should
around the house and as your wife, but I’ve
just got to go back to work.’” Over his
objection, Astrid took the job of assistant
treasurer. However, when she was asked to
fill the treasurer’s job, Ray put his foot
down and said no. “The job meant I would be
attending conferences and meetings out of
town and in the evenings, and he would have
none of it. He was earning a good living
for us as an architect, and in the 1950s and
early 1960s, for our generation, it was
considered a negative for a man whose wife
worked outside the home – it was as though
he couldn’t support her. It was all
nonsense, of course, but that’s the way it
was – it was a status symbol for a woman to
be a full time, stay at home wife – at least
for the man.”
So she turned down the treasurer’s
job (“which I regret,” she adds) and stayed
on as assistant treasurer. After 16 years
of marriage, Astrid was widowed again. This
time, she had her chance to shine. When her
son John approached her with the idea of
starting a home insurance business, 68 year
old Astrid jumped at the chance. She quit
her job with the borough and went into
business with her son. Third time’s a
charm, they say. Astrid has worked full
time at the business as secretary, office
manager – handling all the finances and
bills – and keeping everything in order and
on track – “she’s meticulous, detail
oriented, and a very hard worker,” says
John. “ She pulls her own weight.” Indeed,
Astrid adds: “It’s a joy to be doing the
work I love alongside the people I love – my
son and now my grandson, Peter. But when I
walk through that door, it’s all business,
and our relationship ends – until the end of
the day. I’m treated like any other
employee – no favoritism or nepotism. If I
want time off, I ask for it. That way,
other employees respect me, too, because I’m
one of them and there’s never any tension in
the office that I’m getting special
treatment.”
But of course, at 100, how could
anyone not garner special attention who is
working full time, using the computer in
addition to the fundamental skills learned
decades ago, who shows up at the office
smartly dressed and is always cheerful and
eager to tackle whatever tasks the day
requires. What a work ethic! Astrid
confides: “I love to work, and I love the
work I do. It must be terribly unpleasant,
even difficult, for people who don’t like
their jobs.” John deserves a lot of credit,
she says. “He has faith in me and in my
abilities. If I couldn’t do the work, he’d
tell me – and he’d let me go. A lot of
employers won’t hire older workers, and
that’s a shame. I’m very lucky that I can
continue doing what I love at my age. Most
of all, I love to type. It’s like playing
the piano, and I make very few mistakes.
With a computer you’re using your brain and
your typing skills and it’s a good way to
keep your mind sharp and maintain your
coordination. But I still like the sound of
a typewriter. I don’t miss carbon copies,
though – that was a nightmare if you made a
mistake having to erase it on every page.”
Except for a “botched hip
operation” 2 years ago, the result of a
slip, Astrid says her health has always been
good. “I had to give up driving then and
I’m much slower now – I was always very
quick – I hate being slowed down. But at
least I’m not in a wheelchair.” She lives
alone in an apartment and spends the
evenings reading and knitting. “ I love to
knit, I always have. Right now, I’m working
on an afghan with a very intricate pattern.
I don’t like to do easy patterns, they’re
boring. I like the challenge. And I think
to myself, ‘I want to stay around to finish
this afghan, and then I’ll start a sweater
and I want to be around to finish the
sweater,’ and so it goes. I’m a fatalist, I
suppose. I think when it’s your time, you
leave. Until then, I intend to enjoy my
life just the way it is.”
On a personal note, Astrid adds this
advice to those who have elders in their
lives. “It’s important to keep occupied
even when you’re older, and it’s important
for people to have a sense of satisfaction.
Others can help them achieve this with a
little ingenuity.” Astrid tells the story
of her mother, who lived to be 101. “She
had been a hard working woman all her life,
and she was an avid knitter. For years and
years she knitted beautiful baby garments –
sweaters, booties, hats were her specialty,
and she would donate them to the church or
to charities to sell at fundraisers and to
organizations that helped people in need.
When she began to lose her vision because of
macular degeneration, she chose to live in a
group home; she didn’t want to be a burden
to me because I was working and she didn’t
want me to quit and take care of her. She
continued her knitting and would offer her
items for sale to benefit the home. As her
sight diminished, she could no longer see
when she dropped a stitch, of course ruining
the garment. I made an arrangement with the
woman who ran the home that I would continue
to supply the yarn and she would continue to
display my mother’s baby clothes in the case
as she always had, as though they were for
sale, and change them out periodically. We
kept to that arrangement until the end of my
mother’s life, and she was so pleased and
proud of that case and of the baby clothes
she was able to make to help others.”
There are small things that we can do to
help give our elders a sense of dignity and
a sense of remaining who they are.
Of course, that’s for people when they grow
old – and Astrid is not there yet! She’ll
be the first to tell you. |
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Astrid in her 30s |
Astrid with son John |
Astrid in 2004 |
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Respecting the privacy of this centenarian
and all centenarians on our website, we ask
all media (or other businesses) to please
direct inquiries to Lynn Adler:
adler@ncap100s.org. |
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